I must confess that I'm no fan of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected. Funny political quotes, on the other hand, I can never get enough of. If you don't find them funny, well, you're probably running for President.
I've put together the funniest political quotes that make me laugh. If you have even better ones, let me know in the comments.
1. Well I don't think we should go to the moon. I think we maybe should send some politicians up there. - Ron Paul
2. If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents he would promise them missionaries for dinner. - H. L. Mencken
3. A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow next week next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen. - Winston Churchill
4. I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself. - Ronald Reagan
5. Reader suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. - Mark Twain
6. Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don't want them to become politicians in the process. - John F. Kennedy
7. It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job, it's a depression when you lose yours. - Harry S. Truman
8. He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. - George Bernard Shaw
9. The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians. - Andy Rooney
10. If churches want to play the game of politics let them pay admission like everyone else - George Carlin
11. One way to make sure crime doesn't pay would be to let the government run it.- Ronald Reagan
12. Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. - Douglas Adams
13. Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. - Will Rogers
14. The question is why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing on national television that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste? - Dave Barry
15. Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation. - Will Rogers
16. Any man who wants to be president is either an egomaniac or crazy. - Dwight D. Eisenhower
17. Alliance - in international politics the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third. - Ambrose Bierce
18. I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat. - Will Rogers
19. The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help. - Ronald Reagan
20. There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators. - Will Rogers
21. A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in. - H. L. Mencken
Are you tired yet? Maybe you should take a break and come later for some more laughs.
I would never do that, though. As I already said, one can never get enough of funny political quotes! Read on, my friends, read on.
22. Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. - Mark Twain
23. Politics would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned people. - Richard M. Nixon
24. All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. - Groucho Marx
25. Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half. - Gore Vidal
26. A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. - H. L. Mencken
27. I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress. - Ronald Reagan
28. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. - Groucho Marx
29. Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress, but I repeat myself. - Mark Twain
30. If you want to study the social and political history of modern nations study hell. - Thomas Merton
31. We have the best government that money can buy. - Mark Twain
32. I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an arctic wilderness. - Steve Martin
33. I wouldn't trust Nixon from here to that phone. - Barry Goldwater
34. A politician is a man who understands government. A statesman is a politician who's been dead for 15 years. - Harry S. Truman
35. The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time and I doubt that anybody would notice. - Dave Barry
36. It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first. - Ronald Reagan
37. We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials. - George Carlin
38. Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. - Ronald Reagan
39. When buying and selling are controlled by legislation the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. - P. J. O'Rourke
40. You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog. - Harry S. Truman
41. I remember when I first came to Washington. For the first six months you wonder how the hell you ever got here. For the next six months you wonder how the hell the rest of them ever got here. - Harry S. Truman
42. To err is human. To blame someone else is politics. - Humbert H. Humphrey
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Or you can check more Political quotes and Funny quotes here on HoopoeQuotes.
Stay well, my friends!
