All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

Author: Groucho Marx

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Outside of a dog a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

Love is when two people know everything about each other and are still friends.

I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.

People don’t take trips, trips take people.

I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.