What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song, no matter how bad they are.

Always be nice to your children, because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

I admit I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

It is Christmas every time you let God love others through you.

Christmas is a season for kindling the fire for hospitality in the hall the genial flame of charity in the heart.

That's the true spirit of Christmas, people being helped by people other than me.