Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

Author: Fran Lebowitz

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Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Copulation is no more foul to me than death is.

The natural thing, my lord, men and women joined.

To have her here in bed with me, breathing on me, her hair in my mouth - I count that something of a miracle.

Every girl who has dated a football player, they all have sex the same way.