Room service? Send up a larger room.

Author: Groucho Marx

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Outside of a dog a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

Not I, not anyone else, can travel that road for you, you must travel it for yourself.

You got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.

Make voyages! Attempt them… there’s nothing else.

I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.