Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Ada Driver (July 17, 1917 – August 20, 2012), better known as Phyllis Diller, was an American actress and stand-up comedienne, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her wild hair and clothes, and her exaggerated, cackling laugh.

Enjoy the best Phyllis Diller picture quotes.

Read more about Phyllis Diller on Wikipedia.

There's so little money in my bank account my scenic checks show a ghetto.

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes cry rant and rave and at the sound of the bell simmer down and go about business as usual.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband Fang. How about short and cheap?

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

If it weren't for baseball many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

My own laugh is the real thing and I've had it all my life.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

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